Adventures In Spiritual Living

Living Life as an Adventure of
Spiritual Exploration and Discovery

Forgiving God

Forgiving God

Billie Cooper

Does forgiving God sound like an unusual concept, a contradiction of some sort? It does to many people, yet that is the best phrase I have discovered to describe a need I have found in myself and in many people who ask for my advice. This life is filled with injustices, small and large, tragedies we can’t understand, prayers we think are unanswered, and needs we find unfulfilled. In our immaturity, we try to deal with these disappointments as best we can, but in spite of our efforts, we often find we feel anger or hurt at having to contend with them. Hurt or anger must have an object. It could be ourselves or “Fate,” or it could be God. 

What I mean by “forgiving God” is that we need to pull those emotions out of the dark places we have hidden them, face them squarely, and release them. Many times, it is God that we have blamed whether we realize it or not. As we grow to adulthood, we are taught many beliefs about God: he is all-powerful, he can do no wrong, he holds out impossibly high standards for his followers. Our logical minds reason from these beliefs. One conclusion frequently drawn is the familiar, “If God is all-powerful, why does he allow bad things to happen to good people?” Another: “God can do no wrong, and he wants me to live that way too. He will reject me if I don’t live up to that expectation. And I don’t even know what he wants from me many times!” These conclusions are based on inadequate knowledge about God and the way the universe works, but they are powerful and destructive errors to have to live with. They can result in frustration, fear, and anger—at God. 

Of course, it is not acceptable in most belief systems to be disappointed or angry with God. After all, God is perfect; it must be our fault. Yet, the anger we feel is still there and hasn’t been dealt with, only hidden away and denied. Many people with whom I work deny any anger against God. They honestly don’t believe they have any. In order to help them discover if that is true or if they have simply hidden the anger away from everyone, including themselves, I suggest that they ask themselves these questions:

  1. When I am thinking about God, do I ever feel fear, anger, frustration, or any negative emotion? 
  2. Do I feel any irritation, anger, or bitterness because I have asked for something in prayer and don’t feel that I was heard or that I got what I asked for? 
  3. When I think of an injustice that life has dealt me, do I feel anger or hurt that God has let this thing happen to me or that Life has treated me this way? 
  4. If I have lost a loved one prematurely, do I feel anger or frustration toward a higher power (the Grim Reaper, God, etc.)? 
  5. When I think of a problem which has not worked out to what I feel is my good, do I feel discouraged and rejected or frustrated at an unknown force? 
  6. Is there a situation in my life where I prayed for help and received what I thought was God’s answer, only to have it turn out to be a failure? If there is, do I still feel angry emotions about the situation?

There are, of course, many more such questions that could be asked, but these examples give a picture of the technique I use to spot a need to release anger and other destructive emotions. Each of these situations is one in which we probably have some emotional reactions. As we grow more mature and understand more about God and the universe, we will gradually stop reacting with disappointment, fear, anger, hurt, and frustration. But for most of us, those emotions are still very much a part of life. If we didn’t handle our emotions in a productive way at the time, we need to do something about them now. 

If a friend I am helping discovers some leftover emotions, I suggest that he or she get off by themselves and use the following exercise on each of the situations where emotions need to be released: 

  1. Use whatever method you know to relax in a quiet, private place. 
  2. Recall one of your troubling experiences. Start with a less intense case. 
  3. Tell God that you would like to release these harmful emotions and forgive anything you might be holding against him. 
  4. Ask for His help in this. 
  5. If you do not feel a relief from the negative emotions you know are there, then go ahead and express those emotions to Him. I call it “shin kicking.” Get angry. There are many times when the first thing we need is to be heard, to describe our hurt, our indignation, our anger. Later we can think more clearly and begin to take constructive steps toward recovery of our good humor.

Well, God is a great listener—especially when you have no one else to blame and feel angry at him. He is big enough and good enough to take it. He is loving enough to allow you to kick his shins. Tell him how you really feel emotionally—out loud or to yourself. Get it all out. Then tell him you forgive him and state why you forgive him. Don’t be afraid to discuss it. Ask him to help you release all resentment, anger, hurt negative emotions about this event. He can do it, and he will. When this exercise works for someone, I suggest that they use it as many times as they have old unresolved emotions. Many have found relief from feelings that had been interfering with their full enjoyment of life. 

I also urge them not to store up future problems of this sort but to deal honestly with them as they arise, using the same method. I even have an emergency measure that I use. If something triggers my emotional response and I want immediate relief from my own reactions, I relax briefly and ask God to help. I call on him to help me deal with this right now, to interrupt those feelings and get rid of them. I don’t want them. That little preventative measure can save a lot of remedial effort later! 

Emotions are a complicated part of life. We can’t just whisk them away because we shouldn’t feel that way. But with a little ingenuity and a lot of help from God, we can rid ourselves of the troublesome ones and grow in the process.

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